Miracle Monday

My husband and I already had three wonderful children, all adopted from China through Wasatch, when we came across the profile of a lovely little girl on the shared listing. We knew immediately that she was meant to be part of our family and began working with Wasatch to make it happen.

Within nine months, we received our Travel Approval and were ready to go. Because our two little ones would not do well on such a long journey, we decided that my husband would stay with them at our home outside Houston, Texas, and our older son would travel with me to adopt his new sister. My mother, who lives in California, would accompany us, as well.

On Friday, January 11, my son and I boarded an early flight from Houston to Los Angeles, with a perfectly legal, properly authenticated power of attorney (POA) in hand. We were brimming with

excitement. Upon landing at LAX, however, my excitement quickly melted into shock when I received an e-mail from the local coordinator, stating, “We were just informed last night that the adoption affairs center in Shanghai is rejecting the validity of your power of attorney.” My heart sank.

I tried not to let on to my son that there was any cause for concern. But, my mother, who had been waiting outside our gate, could tell that something was wrong as soon as she saw my face. Too distraught to give her a proper greeting, I simply whispered, “I just found out that the adoption bureau in Shanghai is contesting our POA. I don’t know if we can even go to China.”

With no further word from me, my mother dutifully fed and entertained my son, as I sat immobilized during our nearly four-hour layover, e-mailing, texting, and calling my husband, Wasatch, and the local coordinator, trying to figure out what to do.

Should we turn around and go home? Should my husband get on the next plane to Shanghai? Should my mother change her flight to go to Houston, to watch our other two children instead?

As the flight to Shanghai began boarding, my husband and I decided to proceed as previously planned, except his mother, who lives in New York, would be “on call” to watch our younger children in Texas, in case he had to travel the next day.

When I landed in Shanghai on Saturday night, the local guide informed me that there had been no change in the adoption official’s position on our POA, despite the best efforts of Wasatch and the local team. She advised that we would likely know more on Monday, which was our scheduled “Gotcha Day”.

Although I knew there was nothing I could do to fix the problem, I spent all Sunday overwhelmed by stress.

Monday came, and I was terrified. I worried about taking custody of this young girl, only to have some local official refuse to finalize the adoption. It would be devastating for us both. Wasatch and the local contacts, however, assured my husband and me that the adoption would ultimately take place. It was just a matter of time and, in the worse case scenario, we would just have to extend the guardianship period until the adoption could be complete. The Wasatch team had established our trust during our three prior adoptions, so we followed their advice.

Before all this drama, I had daydreamed about meeting my new daughter. I envisioned embracing her and proclaiming, “I am your mother! I will give you a good life and love you forever!” Given the cloud of doubt cast by the Shanghai official, however, I was purposefully reserved when the moment finally arrived. Trying my best to hold back my emotions, I calmly introduced myself and

described to my new daughter the composition of her new family and the layout of her new home.

(Afterwards, I would come to feel robbed of what should have been a more-tender moment in my daughter’s and my lives. But, it was some comfort to be able to bond with her vicariously through my son, who—blissfully unaware of the POA issue—could not stop hugging her, holding her hand, and exclaiming, “I love you!”, in Mandarin, the entire day.)

As the sun began to set, we finally received word from the local official of a way forward: First, my husband would have to issue, in duplicate, a new, notarized power of attorney, using the precise wording provided by the official. Then, he would have to Fed Ex one original POA overnight to Shanghai. Next, he would have to have the other original POA fully authenticated and then sent to Shanghai by the end of the month. Further, Wasatch would have to fax (not e-mail, wire, or mail) a letter in Chinese, vouching for our good character and promising to ensure that the new powers of attorney would arrive by the agreed deadlines. Under these conditions, the official would allow me to proceed with the adoption, but would withhold the adoption certificate until the new, notarized POA arrived in Shanghai.

As soon as he could, my husband met with a notary and immediately sent one original POA to Shanghai via Federal Express. He then drove over three hours to Austin to have the other POA authenticated at the state level and then drove back to Houston, to have it authenticated by the Chinese Consulate—a process that would require another week to complete.

Meanwhile, Marilyn Cypers (of Wasatch), and her husband left their grandson’s birthday party early, in order to send out the required fax from her office. The Shanghai fax number did not initially work, and Marilyn had to e-mail a video, filmed by her husband, showing her trying to fax the document as requested. Eventually, the fax did go through, but only after several insistent phone calls from Judy, Marilyn’s colleague in Guangzhou.

The next morning, I incessantly checked the FedEx tracking status on my phone. The package was en route, but had not yet arrived. I repeatedly texted our local guide, pressing for updates. Finally, right after we sat down for a late lunch, I got “good” news: The adoption bureau would allow me to proceed with the adoption that day, but would withhold the adoption certificate until my husband’s first POA arrived. Once the second, authenticated POA arrived, the bureau would finally “close out” the adoption in their system.

As I signed the adoption documents that Tuesday afternoon, I felt a sense of relief, but I could not quite “let go”. Until we had the actual adoption certificate, I was not sure whether we would be able to travel to Guangzhou for our U.S. Consulate appointment. I also worried that my anxiety about the paperwork might come across the wrong way to my new daughter. I had treated her in a

warm and welcoming manner, but with noticeable reserve—out of an abundance of caution.

My worries continued throughout Wednesday. The new POA did arrive in Shanghai that morning, but, for whatever reason, the registration official said he

would not release the adoption certificate until Friday. He knew our flight to Guangzhou was scheduled for Thursday afternoon, so I could not help but question his motives.

Fortunately, our local guide took her duty seriously and promised me that she would retrieve all official paperwork for us and send it to my hotel in Guangzhou. That way, we could proceed with

our existing travel plans and obtain my daughter’s medical exam without delay. And she kept her word!

On Friday afternoon, our Shanghai guide texted me that she had recovered all of the necessary documents and that they would arrive in Guangzhou on Sunday. That Sunday, the hotel manager kindly informed the desk staff to be “on high alert” for the package, given its importance, and they notified me the instant it was delivered. Finally, a reprieve! Thank goodness!

Things went well with the remainder of the process in Guangzhou, and my husband was able to send out the authenticated POA in good time.

As soon as my daughter and I passed through her secondary screening at Immigration Control in San Francisco on January 24, I could finally breathe. Six days later, we received confirmation that the Shanghai bureau had closed this case. Everything was finally done!

Now that our family is together in Texas, everyone is very h

appy and doing well. We feel like things are as they are supposed to be.

This would not have been the case if the Wasatch team an

d their Chinese counterparts had not “stepped up to the plate”. At no time did my husband or I ever feel that any of them had “dropped the ball”; to the contrary, perhaps the only comfort we could find during this ordeal was in knowing that Marilyn and her team were truly doing their very best. From the folks in Utah, to the coordinator in California, to the locals “on the ground” in Guangzhou and Shanghai—and, of course, my wonderful husband—everyone did what was needed, and when it was needed, to help make our family complete.

Thank you, Wasatch!

Dear families,

Haiti Update January 30th, 2019 — Chareyl Moyes and Nisthone DeGazon

It was a very productive week in Haiti with meetings on January 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25 2019. I’m so grateful we have been warmly welcomed once again by our US Embassy and IBESR. We work in many countries and I can tell you the time and welcome we receive here from these teams is rare. As you know, a small group of US agencies came together to “thrive together instead of survive alone.” We all have common goals of doing what is best for Haitian children – all children. We spent time listening to many Creche directors, agency representatives, our Embassy adoption team and nine IBESR staff members, which included the key players/directors at IBESR.

Our first meeting was an informal gathering for us to hear from crèche directors and others involved in caring for children in Haiti. There were many concerns raised. Overall, we left this gathering with the conclusion that communication and rumors remain problematic for everyone. We continue to encourage all stakeholders in Haiti who care for the best interests of children to schedule regular meetings and to share information so that rumors can be dealt with quickly. Everyone we met with during the week wants to do what is best for Haitian children. Although, there are differences in perspective on what is best, there are many more areas of agreement.

Our next meeting was with our US Embassy. Michelle Milardo, Chief of the Adoption Unit, is on a medical leave of absence. During her absence, Megan Kenny, is acting Chief. Megan is just as passionate and responsive as Michelle and Keith and attended our later meetings with us. Megan brought a few concerns to our group that we feel important to share with you.

Clarification on the Visa medical appointment and vaccine requirements. The embassy follows the CDC guidelines for vaccines. However, parents can choose to waive vaccines for children under 10. Children over 10 must have vaccines. The medical appointment for children over 10 is $450. The medical appointment for children under 10 whose vaccines are waived is now $200.
We discussed the inconsistent timeline with dossiers processed in MOI and subsequent passport processing. This has been a challenge for us because the passport department tells the embassy passports take one week. We know they have taken 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, etc. We know that families are “at the end of their rope” by this point in the process and want to make sure this step becomes more predictable in terms of timing. We brainstormed different solutions and the embassy took note to present to the administrators at MOI who have, in the past, been very receptive to putting their input into practice.
The Embassy discussed the challenges of social media and the Facebook pages’ influence over parents. She said she knows when a rumor is posted because she receives communication at once from several families who are concerned. This has always been a concern and something we constantly have to manage and do damage control. Facebook is a blessing and a curse – bring any and all rumors/concerns to your ASP. Transparency on all sides is crucial in this hard and long journey to bring your child(ren) home. The embassy pointed out that they too have a Facebook page and American Citizen Services has a Facebook page. The embassy team is happy to dispel rumors, but they ask that families come to their ASP first with these concerns and we will work with the embassy to solve any problem they might not be aware of.

On January 23, 2019, our three+ hour meeting at IBESR (with the embassy team) was filled with new information. As an agency representative who has been working in Haiti 15+ years I can honestly state I have never seen IBESR create the amount of change they have in the past year. Local and international organizations have partnered with IBESR to administer regulatory supervision over 569 orphanages. Using electronic surveys, the orphanages (and creches) were inspected by committees and rated based on administrative caregiver rankings. You have probably heard of the color system that creches are now under (green, yellow and red). IBESR explained the goal of the creche rating system, how creches are color coded and the steps and timeline in which creche are being asked to improve their facility to make it “green”. It became apparent quickly that outside resources have come in to support IBESR in this huge undertaking. IBESR is prioritizing the safety of children and seeking that all creches have appropriate discipline plans for the children in their care. There is a movement to de-institutionalize Haiti and move children back into their original families or into foster care. They are calling it the “DI Process” (Deinstitutionalization of children). There is also another subgroup of creches considered “red plus.” These creches will be shut down due to abuse concerns.

We (the agencies) expressed our concerns to every group that this must be done with extreme caution, slowly and with an abundance of education and transparent communication. It is clear that international adoption will remain as a solution for permanency for Haitian children – ideally as a last resort. How does this affect your adoption? Only green creches can submit new child dossiers until creches are re-evaluated between now and July. If yellow or red creches have child dossiers already in IBESR, those can be matched/processed still. Agencies are still receiving referrals and IBESR states that they have matches prepared for many of the families who have been waiting the longest.

We also discussed recent changes to the quota. After our discussion it was determined by IBESR that agencies can continue to submit 12 parent dossiers per year that are non-special needs. In addition, ASPs can submit 10 parent dossiers that are special cases including kinship, children over age 6, sibling sets of 3+ and medical special needs. This quota, which we support, is to prevent a backlog of requests for “healthy babies.” Moving forward, we recommend that agencies greatly limit the numbers of healthy, young children dossier requests that are submitted, as these are not the primary profiles of children in need in Haiti.

This brings me to our next item of discussion: advocating for special needs/older children. IBESR is researching a few database programs that will help them manage, regulate and track children in their care. With this, ASPs hope to receive more information on these cases so that we can advocate for children who are more difficult to place.

Finally, we met with Lumos. The Lumos report released in 2017 about Haiti is comprehensive and sheds a light on very dark issues: restaveks, trafficking, institutionalization and voluntourism. I encourage you to all read their report. We share their vision to eradicate child slavery and trafficking. Institutionalization of children is a travesty and we believe every child deserves a family. And the voluntourism movement in Hait, although well-intended, fuels the other three issues. We emphasized that communication and PR on their efforts be transparent to all constituents. It is not Lumos goal to close good Creche and leave the directors and staff with nothing. These institutions can continue to play a role in caring for the children in Haiti in various ways. They are encouraged to develop alternate programs and all receiving education and support on how to do this.

In between all the above meetings I was able to visit many orphanages and some of your children in those orphanages, if you got a picture from me than I was able to meet your children. I was able to meet with a few clients who happen to be in Haiti at the same time, which was awesome. A highlight was getting a match for a family and being able to go meet the child, tour the orphanage and meet the creche director, it was fun to be able to send additional photos of the child to this family.

All in all, I can confidently report that intercountry adoption from Haiti will remain a permanency option for Haitian children.

WIAA is committed to helping all impoverished children. As part of licensing in Haiti, humanitarian aid support must be shown towards the country. WIAA works closely with an organization called Haitian Roots. Haitian Roots is a 501(c)3 charity the provides schooling opportunities to Haitian children. It was started by former and current WIA employees. If you’re interested in sponsoring a child, check out their website here. Donations can be made directly to Haitian Roots, just tell them WIAA sent you.

A SECOND CHANCE: HAVE YOU NEEDED ONE? Most of us have needed a second chance sometime in our lives. You’re probably scratching your head about now wondering how you needed a second chance.

Consider this, have you failed a test and the instructor gives you a make-up test so you can pass that class? Have you had to take a driver’s test, either written or driving, more than once? Have you had a career and something wasn’t right about it, so you changed directions? These are just a few examples of second chances.

In my life I have had many second chances, including all three of the examples above. My successes have often come about because of second chances. I started life as a file clerk, now I’m a social worker dealing in second chances every day.

Have you heard about a program that helps adopted children get a second chance? I know that some of you may have strong feelings about giving adopted children second chances, but really doesn’t every one of us need a second chance at some time in our lives.

Wasatch International Adoptions’ 2^nd Chance for Kids program places children who have been previously adopted and are not doing well in their current adoptive home. These children come from various backgrounds such as orphanages or foster homes where they had to survive any way they could. These survival skills helped them stay strong in a terrifying environment. However, when adopted by people wanting to love them, these children often react totally the opposite to what is expected of them.

Stealing food, telling lies for self-preservation and raging out of control when told “no” are some of the behaviors that these children do. They usually target the adopting family members, especially the mother figure, only. They rarely carry the behaviors outside the home.

Bonding is often a huge issue because the child may have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), a diagnosis some therapists don’t know a great deal about and are reluctant to use. RAD behaviors can include stealing, telling lies, raging, hitting, screaming, and any and everything the child can figure out to cause and control the chaos in the family.

Because, almost always, no one outside the family sees the behaviors, families are criticized because they don’t love their child enough or they favor biological children over the adopted child or it’s their fault the child behaves the way he or she does. It’s really not! The societies that consider children as afterthoughts and warehouse them in orphanages or the sad situations of the USA foster care system bear some responsibility. The children survive the best way they can.

The 2^nd Chance program was established to become a positive force for families with adopted children who are in crisis. This program has successfully placed adopted children in 2^nd Chance homes for the last 6 years. Our success rate is between 95% and 98% every year. It would be nice to say we succeeded 100% of the time, but that’s not reasonable. Some of the children are just too damaged for anyone to rear.

We try not to leave anything to chance. All placing parents need to give us all the information they have on the child, i.e. all medical, psychological and school reports. When a potential new family requests more information on a specific child, all that information will be sent to them so they can make an informed decision about adopting that child.

Our 2^nd Chance program is totally legal. We are a Hague accredited placing agency. We only place children with home study approved families with current criminal and child abuse clearances. If the child is placed in another state from where he or she resides, we make certain that the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC) is in place for both states before the child goes to the new family’s home.

Once the child arrives at his or her new home, the adoption laws of that state are adhered to for post-placement reports and court finalizations. Children placed in 2^nd Chance homes rarely bring any of their previously disruptive behaviors with them.

We, the staff at the 2^nd Chance program, are very experienced and have sincere empathy for all the families, either placing or adopting. We see miracles every day for children needing a new adoptive home. We’re totally committed to giving everyone involved a second chance!

ann lamphere WIAA staff icon Ann Lamphere, MSW, CSW (Second Chance Program Social Worker)